I think it hit me when I returned home late December for Christ break. I was hit with what felt like a ton of bricks realizing how much first semester felt like a roller coaster. I have a feeling that if I kept blogging throughout the semester they may have begun to contradict themselves due to the immense amount of growth that took place throughout challenges. Looking back I feel as though I just escaped a grey whirlwind. But through that mess of chaos, there are many bright lights that was shown upon my dark grey life that Christ revealed to me.
Whenever people as me what it was like all I can simply say is,
"I've learned that I truly know nothing. And for that, I am grateful for the blessing of grace that has allowed me to come to this realization."
The challenges of growing intellectually in theological matters stretches your spiritual being beyond belief. This then seeps into your emotional being, which has been molded by your experiences, therein affecting your present relationships, view points, goals, and desires. I have learned so much about myself in the past four months. There was numerous times when I just fell on my face in shame at the foot of the cross. There were times when I was depressed at realizing how insignificant my life is. Spiritual warfare ran rapid in my life. But Praise be to God who is always faithful and victorious. I am truly left speechless at the majesty of my creator. My depraved being, His ultimate sovereignty, and his complete saving and justifying grace; it's truly a mysterious miracle to the human mind!
I've been thrown into the furnace and got burned up last semester. He's in the process of refining and defining his purpose in my life. Through much prayer I have switched my major to Historical Theology- I've never felt so sure that this is what I was created for. What does that mean? What will I be doing for the rest of my life? Well isn't that a great question that I poss myself almost daily. And each time the Lord continually answers me with Micah 6:8 which says, "To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." I don't know exactly what He's calling me to do. But I do know that he's placing this crazy passion in my heart for his people and the lost. I find it most evident when studying and sharing the truth of where the church has come from looking at what that means for us today, and where He's calling us to go. Everything is orchestrated by YHWH. Politics, government, social justice and issues... God's in control. Therein He's calling his believers to diligently follow him and share his glory on this earth. How are we suppose to do that if we don't even know what it means to truly give our lives as a living sacrifice? What that's meant for believers past? Why we do things the way we do today?
The Lord made it clear to me the other day what my mission in pursuing education is to be. I long for every person to articulate their beliefs about life more clearly than they can articulate anything else. Our world today knows more about electronics and formulas and jobs and pop stars than they do about their own eternal destiny. And that, is a tragedy. No one can withstand our natural destiny of eventual death. Do people really get that? Do I really get that? By having the Lord pose this simple question upon my life I long for each person to be posed with the same question, what do you really believe? Why? Do you know what's going to happen after death? If so, what are you actually doing about it? What am I actually doing about it?
So many things have begun to swarm my mind and spirit over the past months. But one thing I know is sure, the Lord is just beginning the journey with me. I am so excited to go back next semester with already having one foot in the water and now, I am ready to dive in. Disciplines. Priorities. Conversations. Diligence. I'm ready Lord, this is all yours. Do with it as You will!
I like to talk.